Read this X-Men panel, then my new blog entry.
This reminds me of middle school. I was bullied so bad I hated school. I got anxiety and depression so bad in made me physically ill. I didn’t just deal with bullies in school but also at the apartment complex I lived it. The bullies there would chase me and try to beat me up. But, I could just stay inside to avoid them. The ones in school… It started with their “jokes”. They came up with songs they sang when they saw me. They’d never get physical, but they would do everything else they could get away with at school. And when I complained about it to teachers they did NOTHING. I did everything I was told to do about bullying, trusted that the adults at school would handle it, and they didn’t. But, my mom was a substitute teacher there and saw how the teachers handled things. So she took me out of middle school to homeschool me and I was homeschooled for highschool as well. While we lived at that apartment complex I still had the bullies who wanted to pick fights to deal with.
But at least I didn’t have those assholes at school. I stayed inside most of the time or ran past their territory to explore the woods when I did go outside. I couldn’t even use the playground when they were around.
Part of me has wondered how much of that bullying was because I’m autistic. I wasn’t diagnosed with it until my 30s, but like, it was kinda obvious I had it. My mom thought so and even tried having me diagnosed as a young child. It would have shown in my behavior.
I was socially awkward, an outcast. I had a handful of friends, all kids who were outcasts and targets of bullying.
The thing is I’m not just autistic. I’ve got other mental health concerns besides anxiety and depression I refuse to talk about because I KNOW about the stigma. I’ve seen what has happened to other people. I’ve seen Hollywood’s portrayals of people with mental illness. Movies like Joker don’t help. They hurt people like me. I’ll probably never reveal publicly what I have.
Frankly, it’s nobody’s business and I’m grateful for HIPPA laws. People like me were murdered by Nazis. People like me were locked away in padded cells and medicated until they couldn’t even think. People like me were sterilized against their will. People like me were lobotomized. People like me were treated like monsters, like abominations. Like they’re violent, when the reality is that violence is more likely to happen to them. People like me are abandoned on the streets even today.
It’s only very recently that mentally ill and mentally disabled people like me have been treated like the people we are. And that’s only by some people, some people are still assholes and bullies to people like me.
I’m grateful to have SSI and Medicaid and to live with family so I’m not homeless. I’m surviving, even thriving somewhat, I’m not absolutely miserable, but not everyone like me is so fortunate.
I’m not saying everyone who is mentally ill is safe to be around, but on the other hand it should not be automatically assumed that a mentally ill person is inherently dangerous because they’re mentally ill. That’s the stigma we need to end.
But, that’s what I got from this X-Men panel, how I relate to it.
What do you think?
Leave a Reply